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| (imported from facebook. enjoy)
esquire has this feature in which people recount things they've learned
over the course of their lives. since i've lead a long, varied life i
think i'm entitled to share my wisdom.
what i've learned...
not everyone is going to like you. and if you try to hard to make them,
you probably won't like yourself. (i've said this before but it
warrants repeating)
girls aren't interested in weird porn facts. i'm not saying they're
right. but you have to do what works if you want to get them.
its much easier to love or hate the idea of someone than the actual
person. if you want to hate a person or a group of people try to avoid
them.
it's impossible to make the male body look good. as hard as you try it
will never be attractive. if your girl doesn't accept this she's
probably into chicks.
the positive effects of alcohol climax at about 10 servings. after that you're wasting your money.
you shouldn't marry a girl until she's 25 or so. there are alot of
genetic time bombs who's looks crescendo, then rapidly deteriorate
between 17 and 24.
thinking about anything (good or bad) too much is dangerous.
white people smell funny. | | |
| (the following is a satirical look at seasonal affective disorder.
please don't try to have me committed. i'm actually happier than i've
been in a while)
some people say that spring starts when the flowers start blooming,
others (calendar-ologists) claim that its march 20th this year. but i
say that spring comes on the first day i stop thinking about killing
myself. happy first day of spring.
this is how the seasons go for me.
summer: "this is great. i'll eat organic so i can live forever"
fall: "the plants are dying. maybe i should too."
winter: "i'll hold out till christmas. if i don't get anything good then thats it."
spring: "let's give it another try john."
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| i write most of my stuff on facebook now so if you want to stay up to date then add me on there. but here is a xanga exclusive, well at least for an hour or so then i'll put it in facebook. i got into law school. and they offered me a partial scholarship, about half. so if i can get the rest of the money together i'll be going to law school in the fall. and in a few years i'll be able to make some real money and get rid of my piece of crap car. beautiful.
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| f i'm crazy, i'm crazy. i'll admit it. but i think someone (god, satan,
ashton kutcher) is putting me in situations that would drive anybody
nuts. if anything i think i'm handling them quite admirably. so here's
the latest.
i'm delivering a pizza to a girls dorm. i call the
broad up and tell her to get her keister (thats gangster talk for rear
end) down to the lobby and give me the scratch. i'm sitting on a chair
waiting. this chick walks in the front door and starts walking by me.
she turns her head and stares at me and then starts smiling. so i do
what i have to and smile back at her. and let me tell you this was my
kind of girl with layered clothes, earth tones, a scarf, good face, the
whole package. but inevitably she reaches the stair way and walks into
no man's land.
when you face a situation like that you have three options.
one,
stop her and quickly transition into picking her up (in the quiet lobby
with people listening), hoping that i can get her number before the
pizza girl comes down stairs and joins the audience.
two, buy an
acoustic guitar, learn how to play "in the aeroplane over the sea" and
then wait in front of the dorm all day hoping that she'll walk by and i
can sing "what a beautiful face i have found in this place that is
circling all round the sun".
three, write a facebook note about the situation and then try to forget it.
obviously
i've decided on number two. i'm standing in front of a girls dorm right
now typing this on my iphone. but its getting cold and harding security
keeps using the word "stalking". | | |
| 10/29/07
(the following may or may not be worth reading)
as you get old
(like me) you start to think critically about the way life plays out. i
always thought older people were just being douches when they talked
about experience but i'm figuring things out that puzzled me before and
gaining insight on opinions that i previously thought were outrageous.
i've noticed something in myself lately that i think i would have been
upset about had it happened earlier. i've been thinking about the term
"broken heart" (boy this is sounding gay. i'll try to redeem myself).
anyway i used to look at the term as referring to a temporary state
caused by some emotional trauma. but i feel like it more accurately
describes something else; an inability to feel compassion and affection
for people. i used to be sort of a bleeding heart. i assumed the best
about people. i thought that people often acted magnanimously. i
believed in love based on personal, intangible feelings. lately i don't
feel that way. i see to many scum bags to assume that everybody is
trying to do right. and the only love that seems to be pure is the love
i have for my family and my dog.
maybe this is what makes me
want to go to law school. if i can become amoral and void of compassion
i can do great things. its like the godfather. that movie is famous not
for the gangster violence or underworld crime but for its insight into
the seeming moral contradictions of people in organized crime. people
who can kill and steal but still be so selflessly devoted to the people
that they value. what great movies (except three). i'm going to go
watch one, fall asleep and dream of shooting hyman roth. | | |
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